Almost Back to Normal

This past Monday, I took a normal shower for the first time in 4.5 months and it felt great! It felt great just to be able to stand under a shower head and not have to worry about covering parts of my body up. Last Friday I had my nephrostomy tube removed which allowed me to take normal showers again. It was a simple and quick procedure and lasted all of ten mintues. I was really happy to be rid of my tube and "pee bag". The urologist was almost recommending that we keep the catheter in and just put a cap on it in case there was a reason to put the tube back in but I was adamant about taking it out. I was all done with chemo and my "plumbing" seems to be working just fine so it was more than time to take the tube out. I was happy that it served a vital part of my chemo treatment and helped my kidney process the drugs and what not but I will not miss having the tube in my kidney. It really does feel good to not have an extra appendage and not have to worry about sleeping awkwardly on it or worry that the bag might leak (I've had a few horror stories about leakage most notably on the flight back from Cancun and I feel bad for whoever had to sit on my seat on the next flight). With the tube and bag out, it feels like everything is almost back to normal. My tumor is gone, my chemo is done, my bag is out, and my hair and eyebrows are starting to grow back out. I'm back to work full time and it feels like I haven't really left at all. I guess there's really nothing wrong at all with getting back into the routine of things. The first thing I wanted once I started treatement was for everything to be normal again and I think I'm almost there now...

I saw my neprologist today and he was pleased with my progress. The kidney is fine and I really don't have to worry about it anymore. I just need to maintain my healthy and strict diet and get plenty of exercise and I'll be fine. Just one more visit on Jan 14 for my bone marrow biopsy and that should be the last of the hospital visits and then it will be just routine check ups from there.

2015 was not the greatest year for me but despite my diagnosis and the challenging treatment I went through, I'm still thankful and grateful for everything that I have. The thing about cancer is that it makes you realize that it can take everything away from you that you hold precious and it also makes you appreciate everything so much more. I am thankful that I have good health, my family, my friends, and everyone else that has touched me on my journey. Without everyone's support, I don't think I would have fared as well as I have. Thank you everyone...and I mean that sincerely from the bottom of my heart.

All done!

Last Friday, December 11, I finished the sixth and last cycle of my chemotheraphy. It was a rough one as I've been nauseous the last few days. They say that the side effects are cumulative and gets worse after each session and I think there's truth to that as I ended up in the hospital after my fifth session and now I'm experiencing more nausea than normal (I've actually had to take my second anti-nausea medicine for the first time...never had to use it before this past session). But you know what, some nausea is not going to dampen my spirits because I'm all done!!! No more chemo sessions after this and hopefully for a very very very long time! I'm really relieved that I'm all done with my treatment and aside from a few daily injections of neuprogen to boost my white blood cell count, I won't have to sit in that reclining chemo chair anymore.

It's such a huge relief, but that might be an understatement. It's been a grueling up and down roller coaster journey the last 4.5 months but I am finally near the end of my cancer journey and can finally see everything winding down. Fairly soon, I can get back on track with living a normal life. There are just a few more steps I have to take...the first being getting the nephrostomy tube out of me (which will happen this Friday) and then getting my bone marrow biopsy around the first week of January to confirm that the lymphoma is also gone from there as well. Taking the tube out will be another milestone in and of itself as I've had that thing in since end of July and I am excited about my procedure on Friday. After that, I'll be able to take my first shower in almost five months!

Now that I'm all done with treatment, I'll be celebrating this Christmas and come New Year's Eve, I'll be able to have my first glass of wine. I'm really looking forward to that! My wine fridge is stocked so anyone want to celebrate with me, just drop me a line and come on over!

Thank you everyone for your love and support! I have many more thank yous to write but will save that for another post.

Three Days in the Hospital

So I spent my Thanksgiving weekend in the hospital at Kaiser Oakland. Not quite how I envisioned I'd spend my Thanksgiving weekend. It's not that I was looking forward to spending it on a shopping spree and partake in Black Friday and Cyber Monday in all its glory (I stay as far away from any shopping until 2 days before Christmas) but being hospitalized wasn't also on my agenda. Rewind to the Wednesday right before Thanksgiving. It was my first week back at work (yes, I am back at work) and I had been in the office the first two days. I decided to work from home on the third day given that Thanksgiving was the day after and also, being only my first week back at work, I wanted to take it easy and not overdo it. Well, I started experiencing some pain in my lower abdomen and that pain progressivley got worse to the point that by Thanksgiving Day, I had trouble moving around. It really hurt every time I got up to walk around or move my body in any way. I suspected it might be something bad because I had not experienced that much pain before but I just tried to deal with it. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my friend's inlaw's place ( I have been celebrating Thanksgiving with my friend since junior year in high school and now we celebrate it with his inlaws) but by Friday morning, the pain had gotten worse. I called up my doctor and went in to see her the same day.

She wasn't sure what was wrong with me so she had me do a series of blood tests and while we waited for the results, she ordered a CT scan to be performed on me. By Friday evening, we got some of the blood tests back (it showed that my white blood cell count was almost non-existent) and the CT scan cambe back normal, yet they still were not sure what was wrong with me. By this time, in addition to the lower abdominal pain, I had also developed a fever. My temperature was 101. Because of the combination of those two things, they didn't want me exposed to any more germs or infections due to my very weak immune system so my doctor recommended that I be admitted to the ER and hospitalized. Just great. I was admitted at 530pm Friday evening and after another round of blood tests and two IV lines (they couldn't get the first IV line to work- suprise, suprise) later, I was moved to a regular room. They told me that I would be staying overnight at the least until they figured out what was wrong with me. They suspected I had some type of infection and therefore, I was put on antibiotics and pain medication. The pain medication was to reduce my fever. They also gave me neupogen shots which would help boost my white blood cell count and heparin injections (blood thinners) which they shot into my stomach. I've never been injected in the stomach beofore and it was not pleasant at all (it hurt like  hell).

It was my first time ever staying overnight in a hospital. I wasn't really sure what to make of it except to think that there were probably far worse reasons to be hospitalized other than an infection and a fever so I probably should consider myself lucky.

The next day, they ran more tests on me and drew more blood. They also told me that it would be at least Monday before I was released. I still had my fever which kept on coming in and out. However, by Sunday morning, it was all gone. I tried to make the most out of my hospital stay...it did give me an opportunity to watch all the football I wanted-- colllege on Saturday and NFL on Sunday, so I guess that was a silver lining. The hospital food was crap (has anyone ever had good hospital food??!), so I had to ask my wife and friends who visited to bring me food. By Sunday evening, they confirmed that it was indeed an infection and that it was a bladder infection. I was still on antibiotics but now at least, it was more targetted towards my specific infection. They prescribed me a take-home antibiotic which I would need to take for the next two weeks.

During my entire three days stay, I was pricked a total of 14 times- between the IV lines, injections, and blood draws. I could literally (and visibly) count all the pricks on my arms and stomach! I'd be lying to say that my hospital stay was pleasant but at least, they found out what was wrong with me and had a plan of action to make me bettter. The nurses and doctors that took care of me were all very nice, so all in all, it wasn't a terrible experience.

I'm just glad to be back at home now and recovering. The only sucky thing was that because I was hospitalized, my oncologist (who by the way, was one of the doctors that visited me in the hospital. Apparenntly, he also does hospital rounds and this explains why he's never there during my chemo days!) recommended that I postpone my last chemo session to the following week just so that I could heal a bit more. It wasn't the best news but what he recommended made sense to me. It's just a small hiccup in the road but I really can see the end of my journey nearing. One more session to go! I've got my calendar penned in for December 11 and I'll update my blog thereafter.

My hospital bed and room which I called home for 3 days

Light the Night Walk

On November 12, I, along with 14 other walkers on my team (team #fLOUrish) and their kids in tow participated in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk event. The goal of the Light the Night Walk is to raise awareness of blood cancer and raise money to fund treatments that are saving the lives of patients today. Every walker gets to have a lantern- supporters walk with red lanterns, survivors walk with white ones, and those carrying yellow lanterns symbolize remembrance for loved ones lost due to cancer. I signed up for this walk many months ago because I wanted to be involved in LLS and give back to the community as a token of appreciation for all their support during my journey. I didn't do much in terms of fundraising but as the event drew nearer, more and more people found out about it and signed up to be part of team #fLOUrish to walk with me. We went from having a team of 4 people to 17 people in total! My personal goal was $500 and I set our team goal at $1,000. I figured I could easily get to $500 and if others signed up, $1,000 should be fairly easy to attain. Little did I know that we would blow that goal right out of the water. In fact, not only did we more than raise the $1,000, as a team, we raised over 12 times that goal and ended up with just over $12,000 in total funds raised! This was rather suprising considering just two days before the walk, we were just under the $5,000 mark in terms of dollars raised. A whopping $7,000 came in on the last two days thanks to the great efforts of my team and reaching out to their network of family and friends. I ended up raising about $2,700 for myself, more than half the amount came in the last few days too. It just showed to me how everyone was so supportive of my journey, regardless of whether they knew me or not. The $12,105 total meant that our team came in at #3 in terms of dollars raised out of 225 teams! We surpassed the total of many corporations, including my very own Wells Fargo!

The route for the San Francisco walk was around AT&T Park. I really enjoyed the Walk as I had many of my close friends and supporters around me and because we had lots to celebrate. It really was a special night as I had a lot to be thankful for and lots to celebrate given that I had just gotten the results of the clean scan and was just about near the end of my chemo treatment. ABC7 News was there and they took a team pic of our group which made it up on their website. Here's the link: 
http://abc7news.com/society/photos-abc7-news-at-light-the-night-walk-in-san-francisco-/1082063/#gallery-3  (I ran into an old college friend who works for them and I think she probably had a say in what pics to use!)

Thanks again to everyone for their kindness and generosity in making the Light the Night Walk a success and one that I will remember for a very long time.

 

 

 

It's All Clear! It's All Clear!

I got my PET scan results today and...it's all clear! There is no sign of the tumor anymore in my abdominal area (see lower pic)! I must say it was a huge sigh of relief. My oncologist showed me the before and after pictures and the black mass that was around my abdominal area is completely all gone in the latest pic. The only black that showed up was in the kidney but that was completely normal as that was my urine.

My oncologist also showed me something else that the radiologist and him found "interesting". It appears that there is some "activity" in my right kidney-- the kidney that they originally had stated was no longer functioning because of the tumor blockage. Where there used to be a black mass (because it was completely "dead"), it was all clear again and a minute trace of "activity" or urine passing through (see top pic). So, there is still hope that I may regain a bit of function back in my right kidney!! This unexpected bit of good news was like the cherry on top to the already great news that my tumor was gone after only four chemo sessions!

He said that because my scan came back all clean, there was no need to scan me anymore after my treatment is over. This is because he'd rather not put undue stress on my body by doing any unnecessary scans (he stated that one PET scan is like getting 100 x-rays). I asked  him what about follow up scans 6 months from now or a year from now. He said he recommends against it because for the same reason that it exposes the body to radiation and in some cases (5% of patients) can cause second cancers. We will just do the normal regular 3-6 month check ups and draw blood to see if anything is unusual.

The only thing left to do now is to get a bone marrow biopsy to see if the cancer is also gone from my bone marrow but he said we won't do that until after my treatment is over, so most likely before Christmas (my last treatment is December 4). But he said that he also expects the chemo treatment to be effective on the bone marrow as well and he expects that it will be negative. But of course, being the doctor that he is, he did hedge it that we are only taking a small section of bone marrow (my pelvis) and while it could show to be negative, there could be traces of it in other parts of bone marrow. This is probably the only part I don't like about him- he states just the facts too much and doesn't want to give me too much encouraging news! My wife was there for the appointment and she saw first hand how emotionless he was as he was going over the results! Haha. Nevertheless, it was a GREAT day today. What I worked so hard for the past few months, going through treatment and staying positive has all paid off. My tumor is gone and if not for my bone marrow, he would have declared me in complete remission!! This was the best case scenario possible and the fact that I may have some function back on my right kidney was an added bonus to this awesome early Christmas present!

Now, it's just two more sessions to go and I'll be all done! It'll be time to celebrate very soon and I'll be able to even drink to that after my treatment is over. Good thing we just built a custom wine cooler and cabinet at home. Time to stock up on that red wine... hehe.



Before pic on the left and Friday's scan on the right. The black
tube is my nephrostomy bag. The black on the right is my kidney
but that's normal. The mass that was on the left is all gone.

The Waiting Game

Today is the day before my PET scan and to say that I'm not anxious would be a lie. I get scanned tomorrow morning to see how much the tumor in my abdominal area has shrunk. However, I won't know the results until Monday afternoon when I meet with my oncologist so it's gonna be a few more days of waiting patiently. I am hoping for the best results possible-- that the tumor will be all gone or only some traces of it left and the two remaining chemo sessions I have left will kill off anything else. My oncologist is hopeful that this will be the case so I'll just have to keep thinking positive thoughts. I will update everyone as soon as I know.

I haven't updated this blog in over a week as the scan has preoccupied my mind and also because I've had a few relatives visiting me from Australia to check on my well-being. My support network reaches far and wide from Australia to Hong Kong, Thailand, Singapore and Malaysia and it's great to know that even thousands of miles away, I have people thinking of me and rooting for me.

When my uncle and cousin were here, we just spent a lot of family time together catching up. As most people know, I spent my childhood years in Australia and still have a lot of family back there. I try to go back every 6-7 years, the last time was in 2012 when I took the whole family there. My son learned to walk while he was in Adelaide!

When my extended family get together, they always talk about the "old days" of living in Cambodia and growing up in Australia. This is how they reminisce, much like how my high school friends and I always talk about the good old Aragon High days when we get together. My uncle provided some insights about me that were really thought provoking. He said that I have three lives. I've faced enormous challenges in my life and now I'm facing another big one. The first one was when I was born. The doctor dropped me upon delivery leaving a bloody gash in my head (this may explain a lot of things about why I am what I am today). Everyone thought I wasn't going to make it but somehow, the wound healed and I survived. Guess I was just too stubborn to go away that easily and that thick-headedness that people know me to be was born at birth! The second life was surviving the Killing Fields. My uncle and mom said that during the war, I would go into the rice fields at night to steal rice grains which my mom would grind up to make me porridge soup. I must have been only 4 then because I don't remember much at all but this is what they said I did in order to have food to eat. I guess I was lucky that I didn't get caught or anything as they would have surely beat me to death had they found out. The third life of course is now and trying to beat cancer.

I guess what my uncle was trying to say is that I'm a survivor. Not that I would want to be compared to a cockroach, but I guess I am sorta like one in the sense that no matter how tough life has gotten, I've found ways to survive. You can't kill me off just yet! I've got too many things to live for-- my kids, my wife, my family, and my friends. These are all good things worth surviving for and for that, I will continue to stay strong and positive and beat this thing.

We have an oncologist sighting!

Today, I had my fourth session of chemo and I got a nice surprise- my oncologist visited me for the very first time since I started treatment. And it only took him 4 sessions! He came by to say hello to see how I was doing. Prior to that, he had never visited me before. Even my nephrologist (who has nothing to do with my treatment except to ensure my kidney was holding up okay during treatment) came by on my first day of chemo to say hello. I guess I shouldn't be mad or too concerned...it's not like they pay him to be my best friend and to make me feel warm and fuzzy. Everyone has asked me if I have a good oncologist. I'm really not sure what that means. My chemo is pretty standard so I'm not sure what having a "good" doctor means. They also say if I don't like my oncologist, they can refer me to someone better-- whether here at Kaiser or at a different hospital like Stanford. We actually discussed this in my support group this past week-- the difference with having a good doctor and a bad doctor. Two of my support group members said they had terrible experiences with their oncologists but I think it had more to do with their "bedside manners" as they were looking for more for the warm and fuzzy, the "give me a hug and let me know that everything's okay" and "treat me like I'm an individual and not a number on a chart" and I get where they are coming from but I'm really not concerned whether my doctor asks me how I'm feeling (although he did asked me that today) and does a lot of hand holding. I just need him to give me the facts, give me the right diagnosis, and make sure my treatment is effective. It's the nurses that administer the chemo treatment based on my doctor's recommendation so as long as he's got that right and can put my cancer in remission, that's fine with me if he doesn't come to visit me or that it's only been the fourth tine I've seen him since my initial visit with him. I think he's an okay oncologist. We're not going to shoot the breeze together or have a drink post chemo (once everything is in remission should everything go well) but that's okay with me. As long as I'm in remission I'm good with that. The one thing that I give him a lot of credit for is that he's very responsive. Every time, I email him with any questions, he gets back to me the same day and that's all I can really ask for and what's important to me-- someone who's very responsive. That being said, it was good to see his boyish grin (he's in his mid-40s) pop in and say hi.

I asked him a few questions about my PET scan that is scheduled for November 6 and what the expectations were. He said that his expectation is that the lymphoma will be gone and there won't be any traces in the pet scan. The two remaining chemo treatments will be to kill off everything that may have not shown up on the scan. However, that's the best case scenario. If there are still traces, that's fine too as the two remaining sessions will be to wipe off everything else. However, if they see that the tumor has not shrunk and is still there, then we'll have a discussion about perhaps pursuing other treatment options that are more aggressive. You mean to tell me there are more worse treatment options than chemotherapy?? So, I asked him does it appear that it's going well and of course, being the way he is, he hedged his answer and said that it seems I am responding well to treatment but we won't know until the scan and we'll go from there. I guess all I can do is think and stay positive and hope for good news on November 9 when I see him to go over my test results.

Other than the nice surprise visit from my oncologist, everything went well today. I got the same nurse (again) (the one that spilled my ratuxin) and she was jamming. I asked her if we could slow my IV drip down as perhaps that's what caused my nausea the last time as she had me done at 2pm. She didn't think it was from the IV drip going so fast so instead of slowing it down, she got me out at 1:45pm (this after me showing up 30 minutes late this morning). Man--  this woman works fast!! Fortunately though, I didn't have symptoms of nausea, at least not as much as last time. I had the usual foggy head feeling but that's par for the course on chemo days. I took a nap once I got home and now I'm feeling a little refreshed. I still have the foggy head feeling but the minor nausea feeling is gone. I'm planning to go for my daily walk after dinner today with a few friends as I missed doing it this morning and as I think it'll be good for me to get the exercise in and get some fresh air. And..uh..truthfully, it's because I have a FitBit work week challenge and I was the leader but am now 15,000 steps behind everyone!

The other interesting update this past week is that earlier in the week, I had my nephrostomy tube exchange. This is something I do every six weeks to prevent infection of my kidney from the catheter. It's pretty routine- I get admitted into the hospital, get changed into my hospital garb and then I hang out for about two hours in the bed to wait for my minor surgery procedure. The whole procedure is fairly quick-- about 15 minutes-- and they discharge me an hour after that. It's my second exchange and it also appears to be my last. As my last chemo session is Friday, December 4 (yeah!), they (and me) are assuming I'll be all done with treatment after that; therefore, we've scheduled December 15 for the tube removal. Imagine that, less than two months from now, I won't have a hole in my kidney anymore and can actually take a real shower again...and, hopefully if all goes well, I'll also be in remission!!!



My friend Brian with me at my nephrostomy tube exchange. Since they won't
let me drive home as I get sedated, he was my designated driver. Thx Brian!

Last week, I received the best news since my diagnosis. I went in to go see my nephrologist last Thursday afternoon. As I have mentioned before, my kidney is another issue that I have to deal with, even after my chemo, and recently, it's given me more concern than the lymphoma. When I first went in to see my doctor, it was because of stomach issues which turned out to be issues with my kidneys. With further testing, it was determined that the tumor growth had blocked both my kidneys and that the right kidney had permanently failed a long time ago due to the blockage. Therefore, I had been working off of one kidney and when I went in, my nephrologist said I had about 15% function left and I was looking at dialysis. Once I started my treatment, it had improved some and had regained some health to about 35% function, but my main concern now has been what happens post-treatment and I'm in remission-- how much longer can the remaining kidney hold up before I have to start dialysis? The doc already said I wasn't a good candidate for a kidney transplant anymore due to my being a cancer patient, so would I be looking at dialysis for the rest of my life? I had done some research- albeit not a whole lot as I've found, just like my lymphoma, that there is a ton of really negative information out there, but through the National Kidney Foundation, I learned that dialysis is needed when the kidney has about 10% function left. Well, I wasn't all that far from the 10% when I first went in but now at about 35%, what was my long-term outlook? If I'm not a good candidate for a kidney transplant, then what? When my nephrostomy tube is taken out, will the kidney's function get worse? Truth be told, these were the questions that has kept me up at night.

Well, I went in to see him (the same kidney doctor that gave me my diagnosis of lymphoma over email) after he got back from a month long vacation and it was probably one of the best visits I've had to a doctor's office if you can believe that. He said that based on my creatinine levels (which is a measure of how well your kidneys are working) and how they have dramatically gone down over the last few months (it's now at a steady 1.83 from a high of 6.62), he estimated that I had close to 50% kidney function left and assuming that the kidney function will decrease over time at about 1% per year, I was looking at my 70's before I would need dialysis. Well, that was the best piece of news I've heard in 2.5 months!! You can't imagine how relieved I was when I heard that from him! The only caveat he said was that as long as I maintained my strict diet (i.e. no sodium, no friend food, no dairy and avoid foods high in potassium and phosphorus), I'll be just fine. Considering, I'm now 3 months in to my strict diet, I'm just so used to eating a certain way now that I don't think I should have a problem at all maintaining my diet. At the end of the day, it's just better for me in general.

I did ask him, how flexible I could be now that my potassium, phosphorus and sodium levels were now at normal range again- e.g. can I have pho (my favorite Vietnamese noodles), can I eat pizza, sushi, etc. to which he replied, "well, if it's your birthday or a special occasion, then sure, why not" This was really the best news I've heard. It was great to hear that I didn't have to give up everything completely! (I looked on the National Kidney Foundation's website on foods to avoid and it lists beer and ale as beverages to stay away from as they contain high amounts of phoshorus but it didn't list wine on there...)

My nephrologist then asked me if he could write about me as a case study and submit it to some publication. He said in his 20+ years of practicing, he's never encountered a patient whose tumor was so massive that it blocked both of the kidneys. Uh...I guess that makes me special? He said he wouldn't use my name, so I said that was fine. I guess that I should feel honored to be featured and written about.

I'll have to see him post chemo treatment when hopefully by then, the cancer will be in remission, and we'll check on the kidney again and go from there. All in all, it was a great visit and again, it's the best news I've received since my diagnosis. Positive attitude (and a strict diet) certainly goes a long way!

Halfway through!

I had my third chemo session last Friday and while it was a bit rough this time around (I felt really nauseous and woozy afterwards), I'm now reached the halfway point of my treatment so that's a little milestone in itself. And guess who I had as the nurse this time? Yep- it was the same nurse as the first session-- the one who messed up on my Ratuxin mix and let it drip on the floor for 1.5 hours. This time around, I made sure that I watched her every move and was constantly checking to see if there was any spillage on the floor! She did a great job this time around and the chemo went smoothly with no hiccups. She might have done too good of a job as she pumped those drugs in me and I was done by 2pm- the fastest I've had my chemo to date- and probably the reason why I was so nauseous. I think I just had too many drugs siphoned into me at too fast of a pace. After the session, I went home and rested and went to bed really early as I was still feeling the effects. The next morning, I woke up still feeling nauseous but after forcing myself to wake up and go on my daily walk, I felt much better after.

Up to now, I've talked to many people who have gone through chemo treatment and they have told me some horrific stories about what they experienced. One person I talked to yesterday had medium grade B-cell non-hodgkins lymphoma and he said he experienced everything- from being extremely fatigued where he was sleeping most of the day, constant nausea, losing his taste buds (he said everything he ate tasted like cardboard so he could only eat really salty or really sweet foods), getting extreme mouth sores and on top of that, getting pneumonia! I really do consider myself fortunate that while I have experienced those symptoms, they have been very mild and very tolerable. But there's a part of me that also worries whether the chemo and fighting the cancer cells is working or not because my side effects have been very mild. I guess I'm about to find out as I got a call earlier today and they have scheduled Friday, November 6 for my PET scan. So, after my fourth chemo treatment on October 23, they'll scan me to see my progress. This will be the first true indication of how well I'm responding to treatment. I hope that since I seem to be doing so well (relatively speaking), that I'll have really good results and the tumor in my abdominal area will have shrunk dramatically. Fingers crossed.

Before I went in for my third treatment, I do a routine blood test so that they can measure my white blood cell count, red blood cell count, platelets count, and hemoglobin levels. My WBC count was extremely low this time around so most likely I'll have to get shots of neupogen this week to help boost my WBC count levels. Since it's so low, I'm even more careful of being around large crowds and close to sick people. As I mentioned, one sneeze could do it for me and I'll end up getting pneumonia or the flu like the guy I talked to yesterday. What sucks is that I can't even get a flu shot to prevent the flu because my body can't handle it at the moment!


However, despite all that, I still managed to hang out with my friends over the weekend and went to the Giants game this past Saturday and the 49ers game on Sunday, although I did wear a mask
to and from the stadium. It was good hanging out with my friends; the weather was great at AT&T Park and the Giants won. The Niners game really sucked but we had a great time anyways as we got hooked up with VIP tickets courtesy of my friends Sandy and Harry and we stayed in the VIP lounge most of the time where we saw Barry Bonds and Ronnie Lott.

So, how do I feel now that I'm halfway thorough my treatment? I'm relieved as I've made it this far and I have a renewed sense of optimism that there is an end in sight-- a goal that I'm trying to attain is reachable and I'm halfway there now.

A day in the office

Yesterday, I went into the office for the first time in two months to shave a friend and work colleague's head. Dean found inspiration from all the head shaving parties that my friends and I participated in over the last month and wanted to do it as well. He came up with the idea of raising money to shave his head. At Wells Fargo, during the month of September, we have the Community Support Campaign, where team members donate money and their volunteer time to their favorite charities through various fundraising activities and community service events. It is the largest employee giving campaign in the U.S. Dean decided he would help raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society on my behalf. Word quickly spread throughout the office and everyone to contribute to not only a worthy cause but to also see Dean with no hair! He was able to raise over $1,000 and so yesterday, I went into the office to do the honors. I bought new clippers just for the occasion!

Dean and I pose after his head shaving.
You can view the video of the head shaving at the link below 

When I arrived at the office, everyone was there in a conference room to greet me. It was such a nice surprise to see everyone. They had turned out to see this "historic" event and to see me. Although somewhat strange to be back in the office after so long, it was really good to see everyone and I got the opportunity to catch up with some of them.

Although I have missed being at work and missed seeing my work colleagues, I have decided that it's in my best interests to continue my short term disability. I have come to this conclusion after much considerable thought. I'm not even half way through my chemo treatment yet and I still have no idea how well it's going. I think it's going well- I feel fine, my doctors tell me I'm doing well and I've had relatively few side effects from the chemo treatment- but we don't know if the tumor is shrinking or not. It won't be till after my fourth chemo treatment (I'm doing my third one this Friday) that they'll give me a PET scan to see my progress so right now, that will happen towards the end of October. I think it would be better to wait until my scan results and reassess from there if I'm ready to go back to work. I figure I'll be working for another 20 years (hopefully only 15 if all goes well), so why try to rush back in after only a few months when my treatment isn't over yet. I do feel guilty about not going back especially after I told my boss I thought I was well enough to go back but I reminded myself that it's a time for me to be selfish-- my health is my #1 priority and there really should be nothing selfish about focusing on one's health! My treatment has been going well it seems because I have a good routine going and I want to be able to keep that up and continue to focus on my health.
Fortunately, I work for a really good company that values its team members and I have a great team that's been very supportive. After I told my manager this, he was very understanding and agreed that we should reassess things after my scan and go from there. 
So...as I have another month to go, I hope I'll continue to have walking partners and lunch buddies to keep me company as I reach almost the halfway point of my journey.

Link to head shaving:
https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/111698211915376682526/albums/6200153795931289473/6200153798735427058?pid=6200153798735427058&oid=111698211915376682526&authkey=CMnfy6Tx4NWDlQE

V for visitors, diet choices, and Light the Night walk

It's been almost two months since I first went in to see my doctor for my stomach symptoms which then set off the chain of events but it doesn't feel all that long ago. Sometimes I still catch myself looking in the mirror at my bald head and slimmer face and think wow...I can't believe I have cancer. It's still surreal to me that this is what I have and it seems the last two months have been just a dream. But it's only a fleeting moment before reality sets back in. This is what I have and this is what I have to live with for the rest of my life. But I try to keep positive about it and remind myself that there are thousands of people living with lymphoma who've been able to put it into remission and live quite normal lives and when the disease comes back, they just go in and treat it again with other treatment options. The good thing about my disease is that 1) there are a variety of effective treatment options available ranging from chemo to radiation therapy and 2) I have time on my side and there's so much research being done on lymphoma and many clinical trials occurring right now so that by the next time it comes back, I'll have hopefully even better treatment options. Al I can do is hope and staying positive and having the right attitude goes a long way in beating the disease.

Since my diagnosis, I've been off of work on short term disability. During this time, I've had a lot of time to really focus on my health and taking care of my body by exercising and eating right. I've enjoyed the time off as I've kept myself extremely busy and I've had visitors come by almost every day to be my walking partner or to go to lunch with me. On a side note, my lunch options are somewhat limited due to my restricted diet of no sodium, no fried food, no processed food, no foods high in potassium and phosphorous, and no dairy, so it's a lot of salads and plain grilled chicken and fish. It's funny-- now that I've cut out sodium almost entirely from my diet (it's almost virtually impossible to cut out sodium unless you cut out every food option available in a supermarket...even bread and cereal has sodium in it!!), I can totally taste the salt, soy sauce or fish sauce in any dish now even just by trying a little bit of it. My taste buds are used to just eating bland food! It kinda sucks as I do miss eating regular food-- a slice of pizza or a nice, big fat piece of prime rib-eye-- but I've been very good at sticking to my diet regimen. While people make good lifestyle choices to eat healthy like being a vegan or a vegetarian, I simply don't have much a of a choice as I only have one kidney and I want to keep that one remaining kidney as healthy as possible. In the long-run, I know it's good for my overall health, but it's definitely not easy maintaining it especially when we're going out to eat at a restaurant. This is why I eat a lot of home cooked meals. More recently, I discovered Munchery.com as a good friend gave me a gift card and I tried it for the first time this past week and the food was really good and healthy. For people looking for an easy healthy meal without having to go through the hassle of cooking, I really recommend it. Hmm...perhaps I should reach out to them and ask them for a cut or at least a gift card for promoting their services?!

Anyways, back to the visitors. I've appreciated every person that's come by to visit- whether to say hello to check up on me, drop off food, or be my walking partner, it's great to have all this support and makes my day go by a lot faster.

As my treatment seems to be going really well (as far as I can tell), I've decided to return to work following my third chemo treatment next Friday. By then, I'll have been through halfway with my cycles and as the first two's aftermath went well, I feel going back to work will bring back some normalcy to my life. I've already told my manager of my decision but also told him that I had to have some flexibility with my work schedule and be able to work from home a couple times a week and avoid commuting following chemo on days where my immune system is at its weakest. The thought of being on the ferry or wedged in on BART with hundreds of other people is fairly scary-- any sneeze or cough could be detrimental to my health. So some people ask why risk it at all? Why not take the whole time off until your treatment is over with? I know I do have that as an option as I could go on short-term disability for the duration of my treatment (you can get up to 6 months of leave) but again, I think going back to work will bring back some normalcy to my life. Who knows...maybe I'll find that I just can't handle the stress from the madness of work (and it really is madness...some of the things my partners and the people I support ask of me) but the good news is that I can go back on disability if I find out that I can't handle being back. So I'm gonna give it a try and see how it goes...

Last update for today and this is a shameless plug for supporting my campaign-- I made a vow to myself that once I was done with my lymphoma treatemnt that I would get involved with the Team in Training events sponsored by LLS.org but since the earliest one until next year is the Nike Women's Half Marathon which I shouldn't be participating in not because I'm a male but because I'm not supposed to be running at this time, the closet thing I found which I'm able to do is the Light the Night walk in San Francisco on November 12. I'm looking for any support--whether to donate to my modest total fundraising goal of $1,000 or to join my team and walk with me that night-- any help or support is much appreciated. You can learn more about the walk and support me here: http://pages.lightthenight.org/gba/SanFran15/DLou Thanks in advance and I hope that some of you can join me on that day and walk to raise more awareness about lymphoma.

Cycle Two done- one third of the way through

I completed my second cycle last Friday and this time, it went fine with no incidences. It probably helped that I had a different nurse this time around and she said that she would make sure that nothing would happen on her watch. To counteract the pain I had experienced the last time around during chemo, she gave me pain and antihistamine medication upfront and so this time around, I did not get the chills and lower back pain as before and everything went smoothly. The only "pain" I experienced was being on the phone with Comcast and trying to get them to turn on my Red Zone Package for the start of the NFL season!

We also ended much earlier this time around too and I got out at 230pm. After the chemo, I felt very foggy which I contributed to all the different drugs that had been pumped into me. They pump so much liquid drugs into my system that I usually gain about 5 lbs after my chemo session. (I weighed in at 146 pre-chemo and was at 151 later on that day. Today I'm back at 146).

The morning after my chemo (Saturday), I woke up and felt fine. Like the first cycle, I did not experience any nausea (thank goodness!) or any headaches. I did have some fatigue but I just forced myself to wake up and try to go about my daily activities. I guess I'm one of the fortunate ones that do not have to experience the negative side effects of chemo following each session. I still have yet to take my Compazine medicine (drug to alleviate nausea) that they gave me after my first cycle. So, all in all, I would say that I've been responding well to my chemo treatment and I'm now 1/3 of the way through with my treatment regimen. I just hope that it continues to be this way where I have little side effects, I have strength to walk and exercise every day and I don't get sick from having a weaker immune system. I worry about when the weather turns colder and flu season comes around but I will just have to be extra diligent about not being exposed to people who may be sick.

The other big highlight from last week was that I got my nephrostomy tube exchanged. I had a tube inserted into my kidney (which started the whole process which led to my diagnosis) due to the tumor growth which blocked my ureter and caused my bladder to not function as well. The nephrostomy tube helps me pee and I have to get it exchanged every 6 weeks. So, I haven't really had the urge to go pee at all since the tube was doing all the work so for the couple weeks, I had no use of my bladder at all. Well, after about 1.5 weeks after my first chemo session, I found that I could actually go to the bathroom! I know none of us would ever think such a trivial thing as going to the bathroom to pee would be a great feeling but if you haven't been able to pee for about two weeks, let me tell you, it really is a great feeling! It just felt natural to once again go to the bathroom the normal way! I was overjoyed that I could once again pee but that joy didn't last too long as I then got the UTI. Probably from not having much use of my bladder and also it's a common side effect of chemo as well. But since being on antibiotics, I'm fine again now. I still have the tube- even though I'm able to pee again (which is a great sign that the tumor is shrinking and causing less blockage of the ureter) the doctors recommended that I keep the tube in for the entire duration of my chemo treatment so that my kidney can continue to heal further. I don't mind having it in there; it's just an inconvenience (especially when I have to take a bath) but I'm used to it now. A small inconvenience and a price to pay on my road to recovery.

I wanted to recognize that today is World Lymphoma Day and September 15 is a day dedicated to raising awareness of lymphoma. Before I was diagnosed with lymphoma, I did not know much about the disease at all and I'm not alone. From Wikipedia:

"Lymphoma is increasing  in incidence and is a potentially life-threatening disease. One million people worldwide live with lymphoma and nearly 1,000 people are diagnosed with the disease every day, but there continues to be very little awareness of the signs and symptoms of lymphoma.
New international survey results show that:

• When asked if they know their nodes, only half (49 percent) of people said they know what nodes do
• Although most respondents have heard of lymphoma, 52 percent of people know very little or nothing about it
• Two-thirds (67 percent) of respondents did not know lymphoma is a type of cancer and that it has one of the fastest growing incidence rates worldwide
• 90 percent of people do not think enough is being done to fund lymphoma research

Increasing awareness of lymphoma will allow people around the world to better recognize its signs and symptoms, leading to earlier diagnosis and more timely treatment. Greater awareness will also empower patients and their families to demand specialist treatment and care from qualified lymphoma physicians as well as gain access to the most up-to-date information, support and treatment."

Every day, I learn more and more people have been diagnosed with lymphoma- a high school friend, a friend's coworker, a coworker's husband, a friend of a friend, etc. Lymphoma is on the rise and is affecting younger people too and the more we know about the disease, the better we can recognize the early signs and combat it. You can learn more about lymphoma by visiting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society http://www.lls.org/ or the Lymphoma Research Foundation www.lymphoma.org

I am going to my support group meeting tonight and we're all going to wear red to celebrate lymphoma day. I'll post pics later on.

Updates since last week

Last week, I continued to make really good progress on my treatment but I also experienced my first minor setback. First, the good news. I went in to see my oncologist last Tuesday. He wanted to schedule a visit being that it was my first chemo session and he wanted to see how I was doing following the first cycle. They told me that 8-10 days following chemo is when my white blood cell count is at its lowest meaning my immune system is at its weakest and I could be easily prone to infection (this is the reason why we flew back from Cancun a day earlier and I wore a mask on the plane the whole time). I drew blood work the day before my visit and we reviewed the results together. Based on my test results, my oncologists was very pleased with how things were going. He said that while my white blood cell count dropped, it dropped just below the cusp of what the lowest normal range should be. That means I was not losing that many white blood cells or they were able to recover faster. My red blood cell count was normal and so were my platelets count. Based on that, plus the minimal side effects I've experienced, he said that my treatment plan is going better than he expected! This was really good news and a small minor victory in my journey.

Two days later though, I came down with chills and a slight fever. The nurses in the oncology department told me that if I developed a fever to call them right away. However, it was at 2am in the morning. They were closed at that time and the only person around would be the general advice nurse and I knew if I called her, she'd say to go to the emergency room. And if I went to the ER at 2am, I'd be looking at a 3 hour wait time, not to mention all the potential germs I might contract just waiting in the ER room. I decided that it wasn't worth my time calling so I took a Tylenol instead and hoped that the fever would go away. I had a pretty restless night that night but when morning came, the fever did subside and I took another Tylenol. I emailed my oncologist about the fever and he said that if I wasn't experiencing any other cold/flu-like symptoms other than the fever, than it's probably an immune reaction to the cancer cells dying (a good thing he said). Since the fever had subsided, then he wasn't too worried about me having to come in to see him. I also called the oncology nurse and she agreed that it probably was a good thing I didn't call the advice nurse and go to the ER room. But they did tell me to call them (during business hours) if I experienced any other fever-like symptoms. So, while I had one restless night, the fever went away and I was totally fine by the afternoon. I also got a UTI infection (also from the chemo side effects) but I will save it for another blog story. They gave me antibiotics for it and I'm fine now. So, all in all, not bad for my first two weeks following chemo. If this is an indication of how the rest of the cycles will be, then I should be able to breeze through this in no time!

Over the weekend, a few other friends came by to visit me and we had another Head Shaving Party Part Deux. This time, my "poker crew" friends (a mix of college and post-college friends) also wanted to get in the action and support me on my journey. Half of them had never shaved their heads before so to me, it definitely showed how far each was willing to go to show their support and solidarity for me. I totally appreciated it and I must say, that everyone looks pretty good with a bald head. Maybe I can start a new trend?! Since the wives of these guys weren't that courageous enough to shave their heads (I don't blame them at all), they decided instead to grow their hair out so that they can donate it to Locks of Love. What a great idea! It just goes to show that there are many different ways that my friends are showing their support of me going through cancer treatment; whether it's shaving or growing out their hair, coming by to visit or to bring me food, calling or messaging me, or being my walking partner, I've certainly appreciated everything thus far that everyone has done for me. So again, thank  you to everyone for their support. It's great to know that I do not have to go through this journey alone and seeing everyone's support gives me the strength to journey on.

Head shaving party!

Like most other cancer patients, the chemotherapy regimen that I'm on will result in my hair falling out, not just on my head but pretty much everywhere on my entire body. Rather than wait for the progression to happen (they say it usually falls out within three weeks), I have decided to do it on my own terms and shave my head now rather than wait for the inevitable. Since the last time I shaved my head was 6 years ago with my friend Ken (we took turns shaving each other's heads really out of boredom), naturally I asked him again if he wanted to join in with me and maybe we can start a head shaving party. When my other high school friends heard about it, they also wanted to get in on the action. So, this past Sunday, Tommy, Brian and Ken came over my house and we set up shop in my backyard and took turns shaving each other's head with our own brand of design before finishing off the final touches. Another guy, Andrew, lives in San Diego and couldn't make it but we'll be shaving his head this weekend sometime. I've known these guys since high school and we've been the closest of friends since then. We've been through thick and thin; we've been to each other's college graduation ceremonies; we've been groomsmen at each other's weddings; and we've taken family trips together. These guys have always been there for me and continue to be there for me, just like so many of my other close friends. They've been very supportive of treatment thus far, and here now they were willing to shave their heads too to support me. The ironic thing is that I used to see news reports and online articles about friends shaving their heads to support other friends going through cancer, most recently the entire Cleveland Indians team shaving their heads to support a teammate's daughter's cancer treatment, and I would think to myself, if one of my friends was diagnosed with cancer, I would most definitely shave my head as well in support of them. I never once thought that it would be me that would be the patient and that my friends around me would be the ones shaving their heads in support of me.

I'm not afraid to lose my hair. It's the least of my concerns. I've had my head shaved numerous times before so it's not a big deal to me. Just this time around though, it's going to be a little bit closer to the scalp (i.e. completely bald). They say that once you go through chemo, your hair grows back differently; many people experienced curlier and darker hair. Who knows...maybe my hair will go back all black and I can shake this Reed Richards moniker?!

Since I posted a pic of our shaven heads on Facebook (my first post in a year), I have received many emails and texts from other friends wanting to do the same. It's such a great feeling to see how many people care and are so supportive of me! So, this upcoming weekend, I'm going to have a head shaving party part deux with another group of friends. #baldisbeautiful
If anyone else wants to join me, I've got my clippers ready to go, so just give me a holla!

So far so good

"So far so good"-- that's what I've been telling people that have been checking up on me since my first chemo treatment. I've had minimal side effects (thank goodness!) other than some slight nausea and fatigue but I have been taking my meds to minimize the effects. The biggest issue I've had to date have been hiccups. And they're not just little itty bitty hiccups- they're quite strong and make quite an impact. They've been coming at nighttime which has been rather annoying as its a little hard to fall asleep at night. Then again I've been going to sleep late every night because the prednisone drug which causes my increased appetite also causes sleeplessness. So hiccups+ sleeplessness = double whammy! But hey- I'll take that any day over nausea and fatigue.

I'm still going on my daily morning walks around the lagoon. I look forward to it every day as not only it gets me my daily exercise in but it also gives me time to unwind and not think about too many things. I allow myself to really enjoy the nature of my surroundings- enjoy the calm water of the lagoon, the ducks laying out on the grass by the shoreline and the ibises wading in search of food. I meet a lot of other walkers and joggers along the trail and I think I'm starting to recognize some of them now as I'm sure they probably recognize me too. All in all, it's a great start to my day after dropping the kids off at school.

The rest of the day I'm checking emails, cleaning the house, doing laundry, and running errands. Hmm...maybe I can get a side job as a house cleaner? I've also had visits from friends who stop by and we go grab a bite to eat or just hang out. It's been great seeing all the support I've received from my friends and family. I know I've had a lot to be angry about lately but I've moved past that now and am now just focusing on what I have to be thankful for: my family, my friends, my (relative) health and my (somewhat) youthful age. Though I'm in stage four, my health and age are all positive factors that should aid in putting the Lymphoma into remission. Cancer is a wake up call. It's a wake up call about one's own mortality. We all assume that we'll get to watch our kids grow older, take them camping, teach them to ride a bike and how to drive, put them through college, marry them off and then enjoy being with grandkids but this disease reminds me that life is precious and that we just can't take things for granted. I want to outlive this disease so that I can be their for my kids and watch them grow and enjoy all the wonderful things that is so great about being a parent (but maybe perhaps not just the temper tantrums).

It's Day 5 today and still so far so good. We're in Cancun at the moment. Just got in yesterday. All my doctors say it would be good for me to go on this mini vacation and relax. I'm going to enjoy the next few days sitting by poolside. No alcohol in my body (and probably not so for a loooong time if ever) but a small price to pay for my health. I'll be good with some Spinach and celery juice and a fresh bowl of fruit.

Day One Done!

Here I am getting the first drug of my R-CHOP
treatment. I was in this recliner chair the entire day.

So I just completed the first chemotherapy session today. Obviously I was anxious leading up to it; my blood pressure level was 143/91- the highest it has been in two weeks now since I registered in at 178/102 when I went to see my primary physician about my indigestion four weeks ago. I have since been averaging 121/76 which is for the just above the 120 average for normal blood pressure. Even the morning of before heading to the hospital, it was 134/82 when usually it's in the 112s. However, it did go down throughout the day as I got more comfortable going through the chemo treatment and I just measured it just now and it was the lowest it's ever been- 106/62. This was a direct result of my complete change of diet and cutting out salt/sodium and fat and any type of processed food from my diet. I weighed in at 148lbs- 23 lbs less than I was four weeks prior. My friends used to laugh at me for my stomach, my ponch, my beer gut...it's all gone now and flat as I-5 freeway! I can share with you my strict if anyone is interested in losing weight-- the healthy way.

Anyways, back to my first day of chemo. It went better than I thought and I'm relieved the first cycle is now over. I was there for a total of 8.5 hours. We checked in at 830am and left just about at 5pm. It could have been sooner but we had a slight hiccup. My nurse accidentally disconnected my ratuxin drug- the last of the IV drugs I was going to take. The reason was that I had an allergic reaction to the ratuxin (a normal reaction) an hour into the IV drip and started getting chills throughout my body and lower back pain. This is because the ratuxin starts breaking up the cancer cells right away and because of the breakdown, it releases potassium and other things that cause stress on the body. So, they stopped the IV and gave me some pain medication (aderall) and a cortisone steroid shot. The aderall hit me almost immediately and I started getting extremely woozy. Luckily Aylang had just gotten back from picking me up my lunch so I scoffed the veggie sandwich down before I passed out. Unfortunately, when we were ready to being the ratuxin drip again, for some reason, she disconnected the IV tube thinking it was the saline bag (they all look the same- clear plastic bag).

So essentially, for the next 1.5 hours, I was getting nothing into my system because the ratuxin was just dripping onto the floor! No wonder I couldn't feel any of the effects! It wasn't until she asked me if I wanted to take a walk around the floor to get some exercise in did we notice the drip on the floor. When she realized it was the ratuxin on the floor, she freaked out and obviously, I freaked out even more! She's been nursing 20 years and this happened during my first chemo treatment?!! She estimated I probably lost about 150cc during the 1.5 hours, so she said she would call the pharmacy to see if she should give me another bag to make up for the lost liquid. Of course, I was very worried whether she estimated the right amount that was lost-- I didn't want to OD on anything! She came back a few minutes later and said that she needed to talk to the oncologist to get his thoughts as he would need to make the decision. However, in talking to another nurse, she estimated that the lost ratuxin was more around 50cc as she had given me a smaller drip dosage due to my allergic reaction, to which my oncologist said it wasn't a big deal to lose that much. Even though it still worried me to not get the prescribed dosage, she reassured me that I had more than enough chemo injected into my system for a day so I guess I'll just have to trust my oncologist's judgment on that. So yeah...other than that slight hiccup, it went better than I thought. Truthfully, I thought it would be a lot more painful and I'd be really woozy after the treatment. Mind you, I was woozy but it wasn't that bad.

I'm on the R-CHOP (each letter stands for a different drug) regimen- a standard treatment plan for treating lymphoma. I'm told the first session is always the longest as they have to administer the drugs slowly into my body and then see how my body reacts, and ramp it from there. Subsequent sessions should be about half the time I spent today. I'm just glad the first and toughest hurdle is over. I feel pretty good at the moment but the Prednisone I took causes sleeplessness and increased appetite so here I am still up at 12am...  At least the reassuring thing is that I will have an appetite. The one scary thing about chemo for me was possible lost of appetite as you see other cancer patients rail thin from the chemo treatment but most likely for me, I'll be gaining weight which is a great thing because if I'm eating, then I'll have the strength to get through this journey. The other scary thing as possible side effects are nausea (but I have medication for that) and fatigue but so far so good. So, anyone up for a midnight snack run?

The day before

So I've never been one to write a blog or put my thoughts and feelings onto paper or online media but I thought this would be a good time to start so that one day I can look back on this and never forget the journey that I'm about to begin...

It all started back in late July when I started getting indigestion. I was experiencing bloating and discomfort  and had difficulty breathing  after every meal and had a feeling of fullness despite only having eaten only half of my dinner. I also had this metallic, almost ammonia like taste in my mouth. I was also going to the bathroom 4-5 times a day which was very unusual. I knew something was wrong after three days of these symptoms and it wasn't getting any better. I decided to email my doctor and let her know what was going on. She called me the next day which was Friday, July 24 and asked me to get some blood work done to see what was going on. I did the blood test later on that day and got the results the following day. The readings were all normal for the most part except for my creatinine level which had something to do with my kidneys. I got really worried as the number was extremely high relative to where it was 7 months ago and a year before that too. However, as it was a Saturday, I had to wait until Monday to talk to my doctor about it.

I went to see her Monday afternoon and after she looked at my results, she said she needed to call another doctor. I was already worried but became even more worried after she said that. She came back and said I needed to go see a kidney specialist right away. I met with the kidney doctor that same day and he informed me that based on my readings, it appears that I had less than 15% functioning left in my kidneys. He then started talking to me about dialysis and possibly a kidney transplant. Mind you, this was a lot to take in all at once! My immediate reaction was...my god, am I going to die? My first question to him was "is this fatal doc?" to which he answered no (thankfully). He said that plenty of people live quite normal lives on dialysis and if I'm a candidate for a kidney transplant, the success rate is more than 95%. So, at least we had some good news! He then said we don't really know what's going on in there to really make a prognosis so he ordered me an ultra sound and a CT scan. I got the ultra sound the next day which revealed the kidney had swollen up but they had no idea what had made it swell up. The CT scan that Thursday revealed that there was blockage in my ureter which was why the kidney was swelled. However, they also found a "blob" growing in my abdominal area which they had no idea what it was but surmised that it was the reason for the blockage of my kidney. BTW- I say "kidney" and not "kidneys" because the CT scan revealed that I only had one good functioning kidney and that the other kidney had been blocked and ceased to stop working "ages ago". (One can perfectly live a normal life with just one kidney). They decided that I needed a nephrostomy procedure to remove the swelling and would take a biopsy of the blob. So, now the flood of emotions all come back. What was this blob that was in my stomach area? Was it an infection? Was it a tumor? Or was it something else? I just hoped it wasn't anything serious.

On Friday, July 31- that same week after I went to see my primary doctor- I had the nephrostomy procedure to reduce the swelling in my left kidney. They stuck a catheter into my kidney which led to a tube and a bag so that the urine and toxins would be let out. The tube and bag is something that I'll have to live with at least for the next few months so that my remaining kidney could heal some and they would reassess later if it was healthy enough to not need dialysis. All in all, the procedure went fine. The only scary part was having an IV tube stuck into my veins as I had never had one before. They had to give me a drug to calm my nerves! (I hate needles!). They took a biopsy of the blob and said I wouldn't get the results until Tuesday. Obviously, I was anxious to learn the results but I tried not to dwell on it too much over the weekend. I was in severe pain from the procedure so tried to concentrate on getting better and adjusting to my new contraption that was hooked to my kidney.

On Tuesday evening at 5pm, I get an email from my kidney doctor and it said that the test results came back and the diagnosis was follicular lymphoma (grade A). I didn't know what lymphoma was so had to look it up. It said it was a blood cancer. Cancer??? You mean I have cancer and this is how you inform me about it...over email?!! Obviously, I was shocked and the flood of emotions that I felt just a week ago all came back. I replied to my kidney doctor and asked him what it meant. He called me a few minutes later saying that someone would be in contact with me soon to set up an appointment with an oncologist. I started to ask him a flood of questions about the lymphoma to which he replied that he couldn't answer them because it wasn't his area of expertise. This was incredible...I was just informed over email that I had cancer and there was no one I could talk to about it until I saw an oncologist. My first initial reaction was one of disbelief; the second was "why me?" I had heard of other people getting various types of cancer and there's an over alarming statistic of how many people get diagnosed with cancer each year but never in a million years did I think that I would be one of those statistics. Let me tell you, the 6 days of waiting until my oncologist appointment the following week was surreal. I had to break the news to my wife, my family and a few close friends; I went through all  the range of emotions one can go through given this type of news: I cried several times (yes, I'll admit it that I cried) as I didn't know what stage of cancer I was in and what the success rate of beating it would be; I had anxiety as to what this meant for myself and my family, what my quality of life would be from now on, and just in general, anxiety over not knowing what the next steps were.

I met with the oncologist on Monday, August 10 and he confirmed that I had lymphoma but the PET scan revealed that it was only mainly in my abdominal area and the tumor was the reason why my kidneys were blocked. But he wanted me to get a bone marrow biopsy to see if the lymphoma was also in the bone marrow as this would determine the stage of cancer I was in. He said that because of my age and my health, his expectation was that the chemotherapy treatment would be effective so he was talking more about and preparing me to understand that this disease is a chronic disease and that there is no cure of it and that even though we may be able to get it into remission, at some point, it would come back. It was a lot to take in obviously, but I found comfort in his words to know that his expectation was that the treatment would be effective. We did the bone marrow biopsy later on that week and this past Monday, August 17, I was diagnosed with stage 4 follicular lymphoma. They had found traces in my bone marrow hence the stage 4. But all that really means is that the cancer was in one main area of the body and they found traces in other parts of the body. Luckily, with lymphoma, the treatment is the same no matter what stage of cancer it is in. Despite the news to be not what I wanted to hear, the meeting with my oncologist was in a way, a little relieving. We now knew the full picture: what stage I was in, and what the treatment plan was. He put me on the R-CHOP chemo treatment plan, a pretty standard plan for non-hodgkins lymphoma. My treatment was to begin on Friday, August 21.

In the days since the diagnosis and waiting for my treatment to begin, I've been able to connect with a lot of people who had cancer, or know of people who have the same disease as me. I've started telling more people as the opportunities arise (I just felt a bit weird calling up my friends and telling them I have cancer so in the beginning, I kept it only to a small circle and only told other people if the opportunity arose). It's been very comforting talking to my friends and sharing the news with them. While everyone has been shocked, everyone has been so supportive and it's so encouraging to see how many people care about me- whether it be my family, friends, friends' extended family, work colleagues or just people with similar diagnoses. I went to a cancer support group this past week and met a lot of really good people who are going through or have gone through the journey that I'm about to go on. They gave me a lot of great insights of what to expect come chemo treatment and I feel more prepared for it more than ever. I will continue to go to this support group as I know it will benefit me a lot.

I am grateful for the friendships I have with everyone and I know that I can count on them as I start my journey. My dad's friend who was diagnosed with the same lymphoma that I have 17 years ago and is still cancer free gave me some really good advice which I will try to follow. He told me that this is the time to be selfish, to focus on myself and to rely on others who are there to support me. So, to those who have offered their help, I am probably going to take you up on your offers at some point- whether it's to take me to my appointments, going on my daily routine walks (I live right by a lagoon and it's a very scenic 30-40 minute walk), bringing me food (I am going to gain weight contrary to what people think of chemo as one of the drugs will give me an appetite), helping to watch the kids, or just making sure that I stay positive throughout my treatment. I really appreciate all the support and the care as I start on this new challenge in my life.